The ship melted back into existence only a couple dozen light-years from where they had began only moments before. The hull of the ship was now graced with dozens of new dents and pocket marks from the inter dimensional travel, that along with dozens of tar like black splotches finished off Dan’s ford as a worthwhile vehicle. They had arrived deep in a solar system, right next to a populated planet and right on the edge of its gravity well. This particular planet was closer to the sun than most planets tend to be and because of that it was going to begin getting very warm inside of the spaceship.

          “What the hell were you thinking Mando!” yelled Dan with wide eyes aimed towards Mando “we are lucky to be alive right now. And we have not even the slightest idea of where we are right now because of your stupid stunt!” Dens voice was just loud enough to carry over the din the multiple alarms were creating, though the veins sticking out in his neck more than made up for anything his voice didn’t accomplish. “Jesus Jew Bob, why are all these alarms on!” Dan yelled at Bob now who was floating by him at the control panel more than likely linking up with the ships computer. “Turn this shit OFF!” Dan screamed, and as if by magic the alarms immediately ceased leaving a sudden awkward silence inside the ship.

          “Well then…” muttered Dan “what’s our situation then Bob?”

          “We’re in pretty deep shit right now Dan” replied Bob as he tilted his head towards Dan.

          “Well no shit Bob, repairs alone are going to be through the roof, we all have to be back at school in about thirty hours, and we have no idea where we are in the least, yes I am aware that we are in pretty deep shit Bob” came Dan’s sarcasm laden reply.

          “No really Dan, we have some serious problems on our hands, the Hank-Drive is beyond broken and we are extremely close to the planets gravity well so we are just a few hundred feet from sure death.” Bob began, pausing to narrow his pixilated brows in thought “and there seems to be something else…” Bob continued slowly “holy crap, the planet is in the middle of a corporate buyout!” It instantly became dead silent after Bob broke the news, everyone staring at him in wide-eyed disbelief.

          “Are you fucking with us Bob?” asked Dan, breaking the silence.

          “No, I’m telling you…” Bob began

          “Holy shit he’s not!” exclaimed Matt as he pointed outside the windshield towards the planets moon which was visible off in the distance. Everyone instantly turned to look out the windshield, all of there jaws dropping as they saw the sight in the distance. Outside the spaceship there was a massive interstellar battle going on around the moon, hundreds of battleships and cruisers dukeing it out in the depths of space, the bright reds and greens of Death-Rays and Fatality Flares filling there view. The two massive space fleets were going all out against one another for control of the planet, it was the thing one would expect from a movie not in real life.

          “Holy shit” muttered Mando softly as they all stood there in awe of the massive battle taking place only miles away from them. As they watched the giant blue ball of a frap ray tore through the side of one of the space cruisers, the resulting impact detonated it’s engines and the cruiser detonated in a small nuclear explosion, sending hundreds of tons of metal in all directions.

          “Did you guys see that!” yelled Matt excitedly “this is fucking wild, I’ve never seen anything like this!”

          “I know, did you see that cruiser explode? I wonder how much a weapon like that costs” replied Mando as he pressed his face up against the glass of the windshield.

          “Hey Bob, where the hell are we?” asked Dan softly as he watched the epic battle unfold before them.

          “It’s one of the planets in the IBM cluster, from what I can see it looks like a damn big buyout, this could be bigger then the PepsiCo-Starbucks buyout of Esurience five years ago.” Came Bobs voice low out of his speakers “I can’t find who the attacker is though, I must have been through fifty news reports on the damn thing but no one has claimed it yet.”

          “I bet it’s those assholes in Walmartia, those guys hate the H.E.M. with a passion” chimed in Matt.

          “Who doesn’t hate those assholes in the H.E.M.?” replied Bob as he rolled his fake eyes “them and there damn Space Pope, forcing there beliefs on everyone else like a bunch of douche bags.”

          “Hey, lay off the Space Pope asshole” said Mando as he turned to glare at Bob.

          “I’ll say whatever I want to say about that anti-Semite tool bag boy toucher” replied Bob, returning Mando’s glare.

          “You take that back you goddamn kike, the Pope is NOT a tool!” yelled Mando at Bob, clenching his fists angrily.

          “Are you kidding me Mando? The Space Pope is just like every other liar in the H.E.M. he’s just another slave to Bill Gates like the rest of them, that whole empire is about as holy as my ass” spat Bob in reply. There was a violent scream as Mando jumped over the dashboard and slammed into Bob, bringing them both to the ground hard.

          “The Space Pope is a saint you robotic whore!” yelled Mando as he pinned Bob to the ground.

          “Maybe saint tool bag of Microsoft, but anything else is a bold faced lie!” blared Bob’s speakers in return. There was just mindless yelling as Mando began pounding the glass that was in essence the face of Bob. Mando’s fist quickly broke open as he wailed on Bob, but after the fifth hit the glass began to crack, a thin line appearing on Bob’s screen. It probably would have gotten pretty bad if Matt and Dan hadn’t each grabbed an arm of Mando and ripped him off of Bob. “You chipped my screen you fucking papist!” yelled Bob as he zipped back into the air, tilting to one side for a moment until he had time to adjust himself.

          “Shut up Bob!” yelled Dan at Bob angrily, then turned back towards Mando “look here Mando, the Holy Empire of Microsoft is a bunch of dirty manipulating assholes, and everyone knows that, it’s nothing against Catholicism, just against the dicks who control it.”

          “That’s right you fucking,” began Bob.

          “Shut your fucking mouth Bob, just because the H.E.M. is controlled by assholes doesn’t mean you should be a complete dick about the whole thing, Jesus you’re like a little kid” snapped Dan at Bob and effectively cutting him off. There was an awkward silence again as Matt and Dan let go of Mando and he muttered and walked back towards the window, giving Bob an ice cold stare before folding his arms and turning around. Bob glared back at Mando even after he turned around, only floating back in front of the dashboard after almost a whole minute had passed. “Alright Bob” sighed Dan as he began to rub his temple “can you tell me what exactly is going on out there? I’d like to know what kind of situation we are going to be in.”

          “Yeah” said Bob slowly as he lowered himself in front of the dashboard, linking back up to the ships computer. “I’m almost positive it was the Walmartian's, the H.E.M. has been on at least decent terms with everyone else recently, so I don’t know who else it could be.”

          “That asshole Sam Walton would probably love a quality line of computers too, all they have over in Walmartian's E-Machines and those things blow” added in Matt quite intelligently.

          “So how did we not hear about this whole thing?” asked Dan “I would think that it would be all over the news, I mean buyouts don’t happen overnight, there must have been some buildup to it.”

          “Do any of us read the news?” asked Matt, and Bob looked up to reply “I mean does anyone beside Bob follow the news?” there was just some low muttering from Dan and Mando as they all stood there.

          “There are eight planets in the IBM cluster, but I don’t think that there’s anything special about this one in particular. It looks like there are two whole fleets out there though, and man are they duking it out over there” said Bob as he looked out the window to see what everyone else was looking at, a new splurge of bright lies went everywhere as one of the two sides launched a new offensive on the other side. “shit doesn’t look any better on the planet itself, I guess there are half a dozen different battlefronts at the least going on down there, any place not being fought over has probably already been shelled a dozen times.” Bob sighed, or at least played a recording of a sigh, as he looked over towards Dan. “I’m not sure what exactly to do Dan, we need to land somewhere down there so we can pick up parts, but I’ll be damned if I can find a place.”

          “Who’s winning the battle?” asked Mando curiously from his point next to the window.

          “Uhh” said Bob as he seemed to ponder the question “Google news says that it was the Walmartian's and that they already took one of the planets in the cluster. In addition to that, it looks like the attack force has split up and is attacking three new planets, so it looks like the Walmartian’s are cleaning house on the H.E.M. forces.”

          “Fucking Sam Walton” growled Mando as Bob relayed the news.

          “So what do we do then guys? It looks like the Empire is getting there shit kicked and I don’t think any of us are particularly buddy buddy with the Walmartian’s, I mean, we live in the Alliance for Christ’s sake.” Said Matt looking between Dan and Bob. “I say we just land outside one of the war zones and see if we can score parts somewhere, I don’t see how else we can do this unless we all want to miss class for a week and wait for parts to be delivered.”

          “Well” sighed Dan who was still rubbing his temple, “I guess we’re landing then, can you find us a place Bob?”

          “Yeah, I was looking through Google maps and I think I found a fairly untouched town outside of one of the major war zones, it might actually be fairly safe there.”

          “How outside are we talking, ten, twenty miles?” questioned Dan.

          “More like one, maybe three fourths” muttered Bob.

          “Fucking hell, are you kidding me? That’s the best we can do, there isn’t anything further out of combat?” said Mando as he turned away from the window and towards the group.

          “Unless we want to drop down in the middle of a nuclear wasteland or try to land while the fucking H.E.M. storm troopers fire at us then yes, it is the best place we have” responded Bob.

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Dan burst into the control room of the spaceship, noticing nothing but four old and moldy seats quite empty and unused. Dan quickly rushed towards the drivers seat, throwing himself in and starting the ship as fast as he could. Bob was hot on his coattails, zooming in after him and hovering over by his head, watching over Dan’s shoulder. Dan worked quickley and silently preparing the spacehsip for emergency launch off of the hellhole of a planet.

“Bob, I’m going to need you to plot me out a Hank-Drive calculation like right fucking now” said Dan with a calm, logical voice as he watched the auto-diagnostic for the ship. There was a slight lurch as the ship began to slowly lean back and the blast doors above them began to slowly open like something out of a science fiction movie.

“No…” Bob began but then suddenly stopped “what the hell?” he muttered, then his eyes suddenly widened “I can’t link up with the Hank-Drive!” Bob yelled with panic thick in his voice “You guys broke me somehow, I’m fucking broken! We’re all going to die now!”

“Shutup Bob you aren’t broken” interupted Matt as he dashed into the room along with Mando “This is a ninty-three Honda, Honda didn’t move over to the Hank-Drive until ’05 so there isn’t a Hank-Drive to link up too, it’s probably a Feinberg Warp Drive or something.”

“Shit, a FWD? I don’t know if I can run one of those,, you’re supposed to have a supercomputer and a couple hours to effectively use one of those things” muttered Bob.

“Well, I guess you’re going to find out real damn soon if we can, you got about a minute to make a calculation and them I’m hitting the button, have fun.” Replied Dan as he went ove rthe last pre-launch warnings.

“I can’t make that complex of a calculation in a minute Dan, it’s going to take hours!” yelled Bob in reply.

“You have fifty seconds Bob, make it happen.”

“Motherfucker!”

“Holy shit!” yelled Mando pointing out the windshield into the sky now visible from there slanted position. Filling the sky above them was one of the most ominous sights one could lay eyes upon, because hanging there above the planet was a massive Microsoft Planet Mauler, half a dozen killometers long and the shadow alone covered almost a whole continent from it’’s position so high up. The massive illuminated space in the center of it looked like something out of Star Wars as it charged in preperation to obliterate everything and everyone on the planet. Surounding it were dozens of other smaller craft and hundred of small fightercraft, a whole fleet ready to annilate everything in it’s path, which unfortuneately involved everyone sitting inside the outdated Honda.

“Why the hell are we still here Dan!” yelled Ryan as he burst into the room still holding his harpoon launcher in his hand. “Do yo not see that thing sitting there waiting to kill us all?”

“Bob’s making the calculations now, you assholes better buckle up, it’s going to be crazy very soon.” Said Dan, and Matt and Mando rushed to buckle up while Ryan continued to stand there glaring at Dan.
“What the hell do you think you’re going to do?” Ryan growled “That cruiser is going to vaporize us if we don’t make a jump right fucking now!”

“We need to be away from gravity wells to make jumps into alternate dimensions retard, we need to get into space, whch means buckle the fuck up.” Replied Dan who was starting to sound more than a little frustrated. Ryan still didn’t move, and Dan shrugged as he released the parking break and slammed on the gas pedal. The engines roared to life, shooting heat out the back of the craft hot enough to melt steel-tanium, and ignite the horde of elves behind them quite efficiantly. With a roar the ship shot forward, shooting quickly into the sky of the planet leaving nothing but a burning building and a bit of a smoke trail behind them.